One day at the dawn of time, which is to say the dawn of human civilization 10,000 years ago, God and the Devil were having their usual argument about good and evil and the fate of mankind. The Devil insisted that men would sink to the path of least resistance in the face of temptation and fall to their pride in all other cases. God, on the other hand, stated that men also had a capacity for good, which they would on rare occasion use for His glory. The two argued until they were blue in the metaphysical face and in the meanwhile all the angels and demons got bored and looked around to see if there were some messages to herald or people to tempt, respectively.

Finally the Devil proposed that they play a game of strategy in order to decide the matter, and God, being omniscient, omnipotent, as well as a good sport, said OK. Now the Devil was a pretty devious guy and thought about what game he would have greatest chance of a) beating God b) convincing Him to play. While the Devil was still thinking God (again, being omniscient) suggested Tic-Tac-Toe. The Devil thought about it for a while, studied the rules of the game thoroughly, had a crack team of diabolical tempters check the possible ways for him to cheat and another team of theologians check whether God could possibly cheat, and finally agreed.

So it was decided the two cosmic foes would play the game on a galactic scale for control of men's souls in perpetuity throughout eternity. An enormous # pattern was made out of the spiral arms of the Andromeda Galaxy or the purposes of the game. (It being 2.2 million light years away from the Earth, it was decided that no one there would see it before it was too late.) Quasars were to be used as 'X's and globular clusters as 'O's. God, again being a good sport, let the Devil move first.

The Serpent, being the craftiest of all the creatures, said he should move in the center in hopes of snaring God with a two-way win. Michael quickly told God that strategically speaking; His best move was to go to the upper-left corner. God of course agreed and now the game was heating up. Mephistopheles suggested bottom center and now the Devil was set up for the win. The Lord quickly blocked however, and now He Himself was set up for the win. Beelzebub after careful consideration advised his dark master to block the Lord of Hosts and in doing so set the forces of darkness in place for a three in a row. The Prince of Darkness hesitated but followed the counsel of his infernal lieutenant. Soon thereafter, he was routed by the Alpha and Omega and now the tables had turned once more for the side of good with a deft move to the left bottom. Soon even Screwtape piped in advice to the Lord of the Underworld and counterattack to left center was launched. Gabriel revealed a saving move to right center and finally with only one choice left the Angel of Light had to take right bottom. And there was great weeping and gnashing of teeth and Lucifer and all his followers fell like a shooting star from the heavens.

The game it seemed had come to a tie. Or as the players of Tic-Tac-Toe know it, a "cat". With the game drawn, God and the Devil once more began to converse.

"How about a rematch?"

"OK, let's play again in about one million years."

So it was agreed.

--the Existential Calvinist