That’s right friends, you can use the power of the Internet to make yourself feel important, intelligent, and loved! Here are 7 easy steps:

1. Look up how to write words in strange languages and write them when the occasion calls for it. Then, enjoy the impressed expressions of onlookers. Similarly, go to foreign language chats and practice your Spanish (or if you’ve learned THE USELESS LANGUAGE you can go to http://www.marthastewart.com and learn about soufflés). In the chat rooms, saying you’re a Latino helps, but remember you or your parents must be from a Latin country (oops)

2. Sign up for IM and casually wander around the comp. lab collecting people’s IM names. Laugh maniacally when they’re too stupid to figure out who’s sending them messages.

3. Go to http://answerpoint.ask.com and answer people’s questions. It’s anonymous, so you can be a specialist in wild leeks or glucocorticoid remendiable hyperaldosteronism without people knowing you haven’t finished high school.

4. Get a hotmail account and set up the Bulk Mail folder. Let the mail accumulate so you can say, “I have 49 new messages!”

5. Measure your supreme omniscience by taking IQ tests online. Find the ones where your time measures your score. Now, memorize the answers and click as fast as you can.

6. Set up an anonymous email account and send emails to your friends about how great you are and how they should be writing you. Just be sure the server doesn’t automatically attach your name as the sender or your friends know who to get pissed at (oops)

7. Lastly, send articles to TFJ. They print any crap you write on a Sunday afternoon which makes you feel important. You can even make it anonymous so the whole school doesn’t know just how pathetic you are.

In conclusion, we should all thank Al Gore for allowing us to feel better about ourselves through the Internet and for helping us avoid person interactions with friends, teachers, and even family members.