CoreySoft CEO Misperceives Reality

      Businessmen were heard laughing from Wall Street to Wal-Mart this week as CoreySoft made the rather ridiculous mistake of attempting to claim ownership of a nonexistent monopoly.   In a press release a few days ago, Corey Garriott, CEO of the struggling CoreySoft, Inc., proclaimed ownership of the zipper company YKK, and thus, by Garriott’s reasoning, claiming a monopoly on zippers. 

     “Maybe not the general public,” laughed CEO Rob Mitchell of the recently revived ultra-corporation RobComm, Ltd., between mouthfuls of Rob-Style Pizza, “but myself and most of my employees purchase clothing with zippers from Talon, not YKK.”  Indeed, immediately following the consolidation of YKK and the one-dollar fee, Talon and other zipper manufacturers dropped their prices and were overrun with buyers.   “There’s no monopoly on zippers at all.  I’m not sure what the CoreySoft CEO was on when he declared his merger.”

      “We’re not quite sure about that, either,” said a high-ranking official in the FBI who wished to remain anonymous.  “Our agents suspect it may have been LSD, but we haven’t quite tagged it.  Garriott has had quite a record in our files, ever since the whole Garey Corriott fiasco.  Current investigations may have turned up nothing, but Garriott will remain under house arrest until the case is concluded.”  With CEO Garriott under house arrest, morale has dropped throughout CoreySoft offices.  Legions of workers have left their jobs to swell the ranks of RobComm, Ltd. and other competing companies, while CoreySoft stockholders have frantically begun to sell stock to any bidder. 

     In other news, RobComm has already topped the charts in the food industry with the recent release of the irresistible little candies dubbed Jelly Robs, made in the forms of the CEO and all his buddies from the hit morning cartoon show, “RobComm Pals”.  The show’s popularity is often said to have arisen from the designers having set themselves against the normal trend of modern cartooning; the colors and flashes are muted so as not to give little children seizures, and the producers at RobComm buy out the commercial breaks, so as to provide a longer show packed to the brim with corporate fun and adventure.  A movie, CoreySoft Attacks!, (supposedly starring CEO Mitchell himself as the voice of the main character), is due out by late January. 

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