Practical Jokers Seize Media Wires

In an example of the most threatening aspects of mass intercommunication, a group of hackers called “Mr. X” made good on New Years threats yesterday, hampering the progress of civilization.  A recent press release sent through several newswires by Mr. X resulted in a false article displayed on several major websites.  While the bogus release did not make it into print, it was not caught before being automatically posted through computer technology to several major news websites under a pseudonym.  It is obviously an insult directed at news reporter Philip Lane.  Lane, a noted press writer, had this to say about his impersonation:  “Call me that again and I’ll kill you.”

The obvious absurdity of the message only compounds the embarrassment that the news industry feels.  In an effort to secure the companies from future breakins, the News Association of American Corporate Publishers has launched the American Security Initiative, and has appointed CEO Corey Garriott onto the board to manage the effort.  Commented CEO Garriott: “As this is a bipartisan and bicorporation effort, the NAACP will strive to equally protect any and all production agencies.  Through CoreySoft we will develop and license new software that can avoid simpleminded attacks like hacker group Mr. X uses.”

The FBI is currently investigating the security breach.  Luckily for Mr. X, it has not been able to gain access to information leading to their location and arrest because of NAACP security software.  Says a dismayed FBI investigator, “The software was installed almost overnight, and now nobody can get in save the employees of the companies – and they won’t give us the password!  Strangely, they are all wearing the same surreal earrings, and I’m not sure but they look like they have tiny little antennas on them.  Anyway, we’re going to close this investigation for now.  Script kiddies like Mr. X are small fry compared to real hacker groups.”

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