This week, I would like to write something very special for all of my valued readers (and those not so valued). It has come to my attention that the so-called "Skippy", "Scoody", "Scooby", whatever his name is, has recently posted a response to a very good question that I take to be a challenge. And so I will respond to the very same question that has caused this controversy.

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From the lame editorial "Ask Scooby" (a cheap rip-off of "Ask Cross")

Dear Scooby,

Why aren’t you as smart as "Ask Cross"?

-Cross Fan

Dear Cross Fan,

That is a very good question for that cheap knock-off Scooby. Allow me to answer this one.

The Top Ten Reasons That "Ask Scooby" sucks butt compared to "Ask Cross"

  1. Scooby isn’t even an original name. I mean c’mon, let’s be a little more creative than stealing a cartoon legend’s name and tagging it to your lame persona.
  1. Scooby thinks that he can whip Cross with half his brain tied behind his back! How in the hell is that gonna work. When the fight was over he’d just have to go and return his half a brain back to Wal-Mart because he can’t afford a real one!
  1. Look at the crap that he answers.

-Dear Scooby, my back hurts what should a do?!

-A big dummy

Crap like that isn’t a real damn question. Hello! This is his audience. Get some real humans to ask you questions, not the vegetables that you seem to be so acquainted with.
  1. When was the last time you heard Scooby say shit!
  1. Do you want Scooby in charge of YOUR relationships?!
  1. Cross can get you whatever you need. Just e-mail me.
  1. It should be more like "Don’t Ask Scooby".
  1. Scooby thinks that SEX isn’t an "IM"… Cross begs to differ.
  1. *Refer to the crap that Scooby publishes every week.

1. You know who Cross is. I don’t think that we can say the same for Scooby.

And so I would like to salute Scooby with a big healthy bowl of,

 

 

 

Dear Cross,

Why is it that this year, the majority of the major disciplinary infractions
have been made by natural helpers? Is it possibly because they were
handpicked by Phedrian "No Shonta, you can't go to college for free" Davis
who was fired for gross incompetency?

-Naturally Curious

Dear Naturally Curious

This is a very good question. I believe the reason that most of the disciplinary infractions have been made by Natural Helpers is that they are being targeted by admin (Debroah Derrick). It is her goal this year to expel as many students as possible. To her this seems like the ultimate achievement, because let’s face it, what else does she do besides that? Nothing. The only reason that she could be targeting the natural helpers is because she believes that they are supposed to be those students that the rest of us are supposed to be below, or some shit like that. Anyway, if she can take them down, then we will all fall to the same fate. As far as the reason of Ms. Davis, I think that she was incompetent, but I liked her because she wasn’t a bitch all the time. I wish that I could say the same for some other people.

Hey Cross,


I've got this roommate, I won't say his name, but let's just call him Ricky
L.-wait no, that's too obvious, how about R. Lander. Okay, well whatever-
anyhow, he's been talkin a lot of smack about this really cool guy Chris
Ross. He also said some stuff about these other guys named JP, Eddie, Rahim
and Andre. I was just wondering what you think about that situation.

-Livin’ With A Dead Man

LWADM,

After room check, you’ll see what I think about that. It’s ass beatin’ time!

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Cross,

   Where's my toilet paper?!!!! What happened to it? And if I call someone my brother and end up making out with my "brother" is that incest?

      
 
                                   Confused senior who needs tp

Dear Confused Senior,

Your toilet paper is in the res hall maintenance closet, or you could just take some from your neighbors. As for making out with people you call your brother, people like that really need to get their shit straight. There is no way in hell that I would make out with a sibling! You’re damn right, that’s incest. So, if you see this going on, mark them out of the gene pool. We don’t need that shit in our evolutionary ladder.