Faith

I have recently wondered about my faith in my religion and myself. I remember going to a Lock-in with my friend at her church in the seventh grade. The college students that ran the lock-in showed us a video about how the Christians were stoned because of their beliefs. But at that time, I wasn’t really a Christian.

In grade school, my dad took the family to a Catholic church, but he found golfing on Sundays and so that stopped. My mom wasn’t very churchy so she never pushed it. I grew up saying that I was Christian without really knowing what that was. By the end of middle school, I was saying, “Who needs religion anyways?” By the beginning of high school, I found the nature-based religion of Wicca in Paganism. Wiccans and other pre-Christianity religion followers are not looked well upon in society.

Back to my question.

That night when we watched the video, I asked the college students why the people just didn’t lie and say that they weren’t Christian so they wouldn’t die. I got funny looks and was told that saying that you were Christian and dieing for your faith was a better option. I didn’t understand it then and I have a hard time understanding it now.

At Columbine, one of the killers pointed a gun at the girl’s head and asked if she believed in God. She said yes and he shot her. Everyone immediately put her on a pedestal of how much wonderful potential she had for her future in school and in religion. I think the question is if the boy would have shot her if she had said no. We will never know the answer to that question but it makes for a hard debate.

I am not very open about my religious beliefs with people I just met or with strangers because I know of the opposition out there. However, I thought about what would happened if one day some wacko put a gun to my head and asked me if I believe in God. Or worse, asked me to renounce my religion. Would the God and Goddess look down on me if I lied so I could live? I could do much more good if I lived. I couldn’t do much help for people and their rights if I was dead. I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid to dying without
the chance of making the world a better place. Yes I know that’s really cliche but it’s the truth.

Maybe if I was 90 years old, a leader through my career and my religion, and then a wacko put a gun to my head and said, “Renounce your religion or die.” At that point, I would most likely say, “No. I am a Wiccan” and then cross my fingers that the wacko won’t shoot. But now that I think about it, I would also hope that my death would serve as an example of the horror that was done. I wouldn’t want my death to go unnoticed if that was the situation. If some wacko pointed a gun at my head tonight at dinner and said, “Renounce your religion or die.” I would be speechless. I know that sounds bad. I really do have a strong belief system. Maybe I care too much, about what other people think. Or maybe I really am afraid of death. “Renounce your religion or die.”

Scary.

--paige d.