As far as my early education goes, Springdale Elementary and R. H. Fulmer Middle School were a pure experience. As near as I could tell, the faculty was there to teach me. They (the whole school) wanted to show me more about the world I was living in. As I came into high school, though, I was exposed to more. I was aware of more.

This was the time I first realized the importance of politics behind a high school and the importance of a "state" education. Some of that purity was stripped from my mind. I felt sick.

Mind you, I don't wish I hadn't learned it. I'm not one of those 'ignorance is bliss' folks, because ignorance is bliss for all the wrong reasons. I just wish those faults didn't exist.

Institutions exist only to sustain themselves, no matter the good intentions of the people within. In times of war, competition, and other bad stuff, people create walls to live behind. Those people must constantly work to uphold those walls at the expense of the hard work of individuals within. The sacrifice results only to ensure the existence of the inanimate wall. The bad stuff is at the source of it all.

All this junk goes on in the public school scene, as far as I can see. The public creates the public school scene. Airport High, GSSM -- it's all OF THE PEOPLE. What happens when I try to go to a larger, possibly private, house of learning?

Now that I know this, am I willing to put myself under the institutional umbrella against which I have moral qualms? I've not received an adequate answer yet.

Since the entire world is based on institutions, and therefore all is flawed, I can join any part of society because I'll have to "live with it." My hopes lie in the chance that I can find the need or the benefits of a college education. This next year I plan to join the work force with the expectation that I'll find what I need and be perfectly willing to enter a university the following year. [enter sarcasm] It's obvious to me that other people know the reason. It must be an 'experience it' thing.

Ms. North suggested to me to "go through the motions" for now, so that I'll keep my doors open later. Live life and do things without a passion - that's a whole 'nother can o' tomato soup.