In this edition of TFJ, we introduce my new column. This column will contain investigative reports, polls, updated news, and questions for you the reader to respond to!

(Take it easy on me since its my first article and written in less than 5 minutes)

Which person in my suite will beat Hicks on the Cal-Based Exam?

• Zach Malchano
• Josh "Fuck it I'm Sleeping" Yon
• Hicks has been programmed to defeat everyone on the Cal-Based exam.
• Some other Cal-Based kid.

Send votes to aansari714@hotmail.com

The residence hall lobby has recently undergone extensive modifications that do not make Christmas Lights a fire hazard.

Reliable sources say the Bhuvana Crossword Molecular Exam will be ripped off from an old ultra-rare issue of TV Guide.

Reports indicate some students have been "talking dirty" to Luis in order to improve grades on his oral exams.

The recent onslaught of Mario Kart addiction has caused all 4^th floor boys to fail exams.

In a fight who would win Mrs. White or Mrs. Reep? Why?

Khalil Porter has been offered a research job at Alabama, but feels it could be a setup by the KKK to run experiments on the African American population. What do you think?

Ol' D.B.: a lost mime?

Matthew O'Leary: Man or Myth?

Jacob Hicks: Actually a top secret Code 501 project of Zach Malchano?

Will Josh Yon ever apply to college?

Will Zach ever have no work?

Who is Randy LaCross?

Who is the lady who sits at Mrs. Winburn’s desk??????

Next Issue: The night before the History Exam…investigative report.

Let me know what you think and most importantly WHY, (otherwise it can't be published): aansari714@hotmail.com. The column will be much better next time I PROMISE!! Please send suggestions, comments, and hate mail also if desired.