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RobComm, Ltd. Makes Reappearance, States Claims The
business world was paralyzed today as it rolled out on national news.
RobComm, Ltd., the monolith company recently bought out by competitor
CoreySoft, was back in the ball park.
The US government, citing anti-trust laws, has declared the buy-out
unconstitutional, and RobComm has now gained federal subsidies to help
it get back on its feet. “RobComm,
Ltd. will have full autonomy under the new subsidy deals,” said one
aide. “There will be no governmental
restrictions or policies, since we’ve decided that our direct interference
would only serve to hinder CEO Mitchell’s fine work.” CEO
Mitchell once again holds a controlling interest in the company as well,
as the price of RobComm stock has dropped tremendously since the inept
CoreySoft managers have taken control. “Panicked stockholders practically gave me their shares,” said CEO Mitchell in a later press conference. “I
don’t know how CoreySoft ever achieved its status with such poor management.”
Indeed, strikes by the RCB and boycotts of thousands of buyers
loyal to the formerly deposed CEO had thrown CoreySoft into tremendous
disarray after the ill-planned takeover. In
other news, in a flashback to the English(TM) Debates, CEO
Mitchell has successfully filed a suit with the Supreme Court for personal
ownership of the language. In
his statement to the justices, Mitchell carefully traced his genealogy
back as a direct descendent of Robert I, an obscure ruler of England
in the early first millennium. CEO
Mitchell then procured genuine historic documents depicting the elder
Robert’s valiant and eventually successful creation of a new language
for his subjects, fondly dubbed English as an anagram of the popular
nickname of Robert I, Glenshi (contrary to the former belief that it
arose from Anglish occupation of the Isles). Further evidence appeared in small things that
Robert had left behind in the language. “If
you take a close look at many words in our language, you’ll find the
name Rob spelled backwards in them,” said CEO Mitchell during the proceedings.
“For instance, the documents I have here detail one instance
of my forebear’s humor in the word ‘bored’, which spelled backwards
is de-Rob, or being bereft of Rob. Robert I was quite a funny man. This is only one instance, however; many words
containing the name ‘Rob’, especially words created later than Robert
I [such as boron], have no bearing on it at all.” Although he now controls the language, the CEO only asks that every
user must own a license, for no fee, and that they must pay a fee of
25? a month to RobComm, Ltd. for continued
use of the service. Licensed
users of the language also gain occasional discounts on RobComm products
and services. What else does RobComm have in the works? The details are sketchy, but the mega-corporation appears to be merely consolidating its assets for the moment. A few reports have described RobComm entering deals with another company dealing in neuroscience, but for now, Wall Street waits with baited breath for the next move |