CoreySoft and YKK Merge to North American Co-Prosperity Sphere

Market commentators today were surprised when CoreySoft announced its pending merger with the mysterious, monopolistic YKK Inc.  A deal which has been in the works for nearly a year culminated yesterday when the impetus of FCC approval caused CoreySoft to purchase an owning share in YKK.  Economists are unsure about the long-term effects of the deal but are sure that, for now, RobComm is back in real danger.

Uninformed citizens and CEOs of recently revived tech companies have all been asking exactly who or what YKK is.  Those who desire an answer need only to look at their own clothing.  Chances are good that plastered somewhere on the zipper mechanism of your pants or jacket is the YKK company logo.  The company is the leading (indeed, the only) manufacturer of clothing zippers in the world.  It has escaped antitrust suits, warding politicians by threatening to halt zipper production worldwide.

CoreySoft CEO Corey Garriott commented on this and the recent RobComm English deal to investors at the New York Stock Exchange.  “English?  No worries,” he scoffed.  “We believe the RobComm re-acquisition of English is but a paltry piece of intellectual property.  Ownership of a language is passé.  Similar to the consolidation in the music industry, RobComm cannot prevent people from trading underground black market English on the ‘Corster’ service provided by CoreySoft subsidiary Piracomp.  RobComm has failed to adapt to changing conditions.  It’s simply not profitable anymore.”

In contrast, zippers are centrally controllable.  Every sale of a Zipper™ from a clothing store nets YKK (and now CoreySoft) one dollar.  Unlike English, the resale of clothing doesn’t harm new sales.  There is little market for used clothing, and it cannot compete with the cheapening price of new clothing because of foreign labor.

Indeed, CoreySoft has now acquired an effective bargaining tool with all of mankind and not just the English-speaking portion.  The plan should prove useful in preventing regulation because the withdrawal of zippers will force citizens looking for new clothing to use outdated button technology.  In his keynote, CEO Garriott referred to this hemispheric influence as the “North American Co-Prosperity Sphere.”  It appears he plans to gain legislative influence with most countries to unify the American governments into New Korea, a replacement for the old Korea brutally destroyed in a terrorist assault last year.

Investors are certainly excited about the recent developments, so excited that newly elected Mexican president Vincinte Fox has asked the United States to give CoreySoft special exemption privileges from NAFTA constraints.  If the pitiable RobComm Corporation wishes to compete with this 800-pound gorilla, they certainly will have to play catch-up.

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