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God Visits Courts, Ends Disputes The lawsuits lead by the Christian Coalition, pressed against the internationally popular RobComm-produced TV show “RobComm Pals”, fell flat today when God unexpectedly appeared in the courtroom during proceedings. “RobComm Pals has nothing to do with being gay,” the lord of creation reportedly stated. “In fact, it’s a pretty wholesome show and promotes family values. Stop being so uptight.” He then disappeared, leaving a stammering Ralph Reed to dismiss charges. In fact, Christian and other religious peoples have now become major supporters of the morning kids’ show, which details the fight of RobComm CEO Rob Mitchell and his Corporate Rangers against the evil forces of the Regulator. Also, the producers released a statement today that the upcoming movie, contrary to popular belief, is not a Godzilla rip-off. In other news, CorTV has been struggling in the satellite-TV market, ever since another mis-targeting by RobComm lunar-based mass drivers took out some of their satellites. The mass drivers were scheduled to launch new shipments of lunar ores into the Pacific Ocean for pickup, when CorTV launched its new satellites. As the satellites were launched from CoreySoft launching areas in Samoa, they were knocked straight back down as they intersected the descent of dozens of half-ton blocks of ore crashing down through the atmosphere. Fortunately for CoreySoft, a few satellites did make it into a geosynchronous orbit, although they’re located over Africa. Customers of the CorTV service were infuriated by the happenings, preferring to switch to the much more reliable cable options provided by RobComm, Ltd. One customer, wearing a RobComm Pals T-shirt, was available for comment at a mall. “You’d think the CEO would have learned his lesson after the destruction of North Corea, but noooo, he has to launch his satellites at exactly the wrong time. Cable is definitely the right choice. Choose RobComm!” The Mitchell Crater was also re-opened last week, after much squabbling over land-rights with the Kansas authorities. RobComm mining activities have commenced, and the water park has been opened, creating an incredible opportunity for jobs as well as tourism. In fact, the president of the USA shortly congratulated RobComm CEO Rob Mitchell for reducing unemployment in the Midwest to zero percent. “The CEO has shown much initiative as an American in eliminating unemployment in the Great Plains area. We would all do well to be like him. Therefore, I’m presenting him with Canada as a commendation for his great deeds.” The Canadian authorities were unimpressed with the announcement, but willingly gave the CEO control of the government because of his ‘valiant undertakings for the greater good of humanity.’ The transition went smoothly, although a Mounty was reportedly pushed off of his horse during the proceedings. |