Watch out CoreySoft and Robcomm, there is a new player on the field in the global domination market.  This mysterious figure has recently bought up the rights to all atmospheric oxygen, all the world's supply of cyanobacteria, Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, several islands in the East Indies, the coastal African nation of Gabon, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, McDonald Douglas and a couple thousand satellites from both U.S. and Russian governments.  Most of these recently acquired satellites are rumored to have been part in ultra top-secret weapons projects funded by the U.S. Department of Defense and its Soviet counterpart during the last few years of the Cold War.

Surprisingly the FTC approved these purchases.  When asked for comment one of the commissioners had this to say, "When Mr. X came down from his osmium asteroid to come and tell us why these purchases were necessary we were visibly moved.  He was also pleasant enough to inform us that those lovely earrings Mr. Garriot gave us were actually mind-control devices, that made us bend to his will and make our stomachs feel queasy.  So when we removed the earrings and smashed them on the ground we felt much better.  So it is no wonder we approved his purchases and gave him a permanent seat on the commission."

In an unrelated story, the FTC has reversed its decision on the Coreysoft-YKK merger.  Also members of the commission led by Mr. X are suing Coreysoft CEO Corey Garriot.

Leaving the Pentagon Friday afternoon, where Mr. X's main corporation AEIOUY inc. (Named after his first purchase earlier this week of the vowels A, E, I, O, and U and the odd vowel-consonant Y) has permanent offices, was none other that Mr. X's spokesman Leonard Nimoy.  We caught up with the man who played the loveable Spock^TM on the Original Star Trek^TM on the way to his limousine.  "I wish you had just called and gotten an appointment with me" remarked Nimoy.  When asked what AEIOUY inc. was planning to do with their recent purchases he responded "Well we hope to use the money generated by the sale of Oxygen® to fund our space flee- I mean exploration.  For example we have already sent several probes to the moon to investigate possible human rights violates by Robcomm filed by former employees at the company's Lunar Mining base.  Fortunately we found no human rights violations, but unfortunately the nuclear reactor that powered one of the Russian-made probes became unstable, due to what our engineers tell me was a leaky O-rings.  This caused a meltdown that set off a chain reaction with ten other missile-shaped probes.  So at this time I on behalf of Mr. X would like to issue an apology to Robcomm for the accidental and unfortunate destruction of their lunar facilities.  This catastrophe leaves AEIOUY inc. alone as the leader in space technologies.  Mr. X tells me to comemerate this incident, he is naming one of the buildings at our dark side of the moon complex the Robcomm Lunar Mining Facility Catastrophe Memorial Mess Hall. No further comment.

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