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North Korean Mining Bonanza strikes RobComm; Happy
Rob Mitchell Day
The
remnants of North Korea smashed into Topeka, Kansas earlier today,
demolishing the state and destroying most of the continental USA.
Subsequent dust clouds are blocking out the sun over most
of the Northwestern Hemisphere and are moving south towards the
equator. The situation appears
grim, but some people still have a bright outlook.
“Fortunately,
although our corporate HQ was destroyed, the RobComm mining tunnels
that lace the continent are still intact,” commented RobComm CEO
and founder Rob Mitchell from an underground bunker in Texas.
“We’ve already moved machinery into former Kansas, and it
is certainly turning out to be quite a bonanza.”
Indeed,
RobComm preliminary mining operations have already turned out precious
metals by the bucket. “North Korea was ripped into space all the way down to the mohorovic
discontinuity, exposing tons or ores and gems that were unreachable
before,” remarked one RobComm’s Mining Analysts at the bunker. “It’s all just waiting to be taken away, now.”
And away it is being taken, as RobComm distribution centers
have almost reached max capacity with the vast amounts of ore being
pulled out of the newly christened Mitchell crater.
Much
to the US Government’s relief, RobComm has also been setting up
patented “clean air generators” throughout the country to allow
sunlight to reach the ground. Unfortunately,
the dust has to be sent somewhere. With the recent acquisition of Chile as private
property by a US corporation, the US government has confiscated
the former South American country and designated it a “dust dumping
ground.” Local machinery was dismantled and sent to
be used in producing more clean air generators, and all citizens
including the protesting CoreySoft CEO were relocated to a small
South Pacific island for an indefinite amount of time.
Meanwhile,
RobComm operations in China have taken a jump from the increased
labor pool and commerce monopoly. RobComm retail outlets and production facilities
now dominate the commercial and industrial landscape. Tendrils of RobComm influence have also spread
to the rest of SouthEast Asia, while RobComm engineers (much to
the relief of South Korea) have now safely contained the lava pit
that was once North Korea.
The
landmark Vince Ingram Case has also been abandoned, due to the unfortunate
death of Mr. Ingram in the North Korean impact and the impressive
humanitarian outlook and initiative recently shown by the benevolent
RobComm, Ltd. “CEO Rob Mitchell
has aided our country more than we could ever possibly thank him,”
said the US president today at a recent speech. “Without RobComm, the USA would be a ruin. Therefore, I’m going to declare today, September
25, 2000, to be Rob Mitchell Day.
Let’s all take the day off!”
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