CoreySoft, Inc. Purchases English™
The
English Language© is now property of the esteemed technical services
company CoreySoft.
“I’ve owned stakes in the languages
market for some time now,” grinned CEO Garriott at his recent internet-televised
press conference, “and with the recent destruction of the continental
USA, the price of English™ has decreased considerably.
My recent transit to a small Pacific island full of beautiful
girls (thanks to my generous moles… err, friends in RobComm) has
given me the time to reorganize my considerable financial holdings.”
Indeed, universities and colleges
were delighted when CEO Garriott, a grammar aficionado himself,
bought the reins to the world’s largest and most diverse language.
Linguistic expert Dr. Brian Malloy states, “A new cultural
renaissance is expected to ensue with the capturing of the English™
grammar.” The young company will regulate the language
and proper grammatical form will be enforced.
“We will not be charging royalties for the
usage of English™ at the individual level yet,” Garriott assured
his audience, “but as English™ is now private property I have some
guidelines for its usage. The word ‘RobComm’ and the name ‘Mitchell’
are now to be considered vulgarities – so join me as we collectively
wipe these words from the language.
I also will not allow the usage of the language from any
employee who refuses to join the RWU.
Violators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.”
With the purchase of The English Language©,
CoreySoft is poised to take over all of the English markets in the
world. Already bright, young lawyers are arriving
at all national borders and outlawing the usage of any other form. CoreySoft now claims the USA, Britain, Canada,
Belize, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, parts of India and Japan,
and several other countries. All
large corporations in the aforementioned must pay a “communication
services fee” to CoreySoft, Inc. in order to publish articles in
English™.
Even with the recent international expansion,
CoreySoft, Inc. has not forgotten the competition in its initial
country. With the union fees from the ever-larger RWU,
even more financial operations have began under “special task force
leader” Bill Gates. “CoreySoft
subsidiary Microsoft™ will continue to produce value-added computer
software such as the ones that run the air cleaners of the nameless
company, but we believe we can use Gates’ organizational skill in
other markets as well,” announced CEO Garriott midway through his
conference. “Specifically, Gates will give all of his money to me.”
CEO Garriott then plans to use the extra
cash to build an orbital country which will be free from intervention. Work is already underway and is nearing completion,
and the recently homeless slaves from Chile will make up most of
the labor force on the country.
CEO Garriott plans to name it North Corea in honor of himself
and as a tribute to the country so cruelly uprooted by industry
rival the nameless company.
“Let the nameless one have his so-called
‘China.’ They’re communist, and they write funny besides,”
CEO Garriott declared at the end of his conference.
His positive message continued throughout
the night. With profits
blazing again and even more cash flow than ever, CoreySoft, Inc.
is forecasting an optimistic future.
Later, turning inspirational, CEO Corey Garriott announced
his future plans: “I think we all have to have goals in Life.
Myself, I’ve accomplishing more of them every day.
But even with the purchase of The English Language©, I am
not done. You see, The Russian Language is next.
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