While you may view this as a quaint exercise I believe that the Organization would be benefit from exploiting this process. You see, all previous attempts to unite the world under the DHS banner were thwarted by cultural differences. Christianity (Codename: Red State) flourishes well in the West, Buddha (Codename: The Belly) in the East, and Islam in the Middle (Codename: 72 Virgins). But all have been complete failures in our ultimate goal of successfully catching the Sacred Last Train. However, a ceremony such as this has appeal in all corners of the world. Finally, we, the dead hobos of the world, can unite under one ceremony and crush the John Families of the world.

I dub this project coffee_mayhem.

 to: Dead Hobo Society Operatives Worldwide
 from: agent hampton
 subject: RE: idea

While you may view this as a quaint exercise I believe that the Organization would be benefit from exploiting this process. You see, all previous attempts to unite the world under the DHS banner were thwarted by cultural differences. Christianity (Codename: Red State) flurishs well in the West, Buddah (Codename: The Belly) in the East, and Islam in the Middle (Codename: 72 Virgins). But all have been complete failures in our ultimate goal of successfully catching the Sacred Last Train. However, a ceremony such as this has appeal in all corners of the world. Finally, we, the dead hobos of the world, can unite under one ceremony and crush the John Families of the world.

You may be a’ thinking I’m a Scissorbill. Well, I’ll tell you square. I’m hardly a harness bull trying to fan you or haul you down to the calaboose. I’m saying we can do it.

I dub this project coffe_mayham.

We’ll need to place assets in all of the major metropolitan countries in the world. As far as I see our membership today, we have operatives in the US, Canada, and Japan. We will all need to place assets in Russia, China, Saudi Arabia, and the UK before we can give this a real push. Maybe put out a bagman to keep it all streamlined in those countries.

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(:title Coffee Ceremony:)

 to: konducta killah
 from: boxcarl
 subject: idea

Today was cold enough that I looked forward to wearing long sleeve shirts starting the first of October.

I was sitting around drinking coffee in a ceremonial setting yesterday, when I had an idea.

“Coffee Ceremony.”

The host goes to Waffle House before the guest to prepare. Five or ten minutes before the guest is set to arrive, the host orders one cup of coffee then prepares the table with simple art objects. Probably the best thing for this would be ink paintings on napkins, but utensil arrangements are good, too. (Incidentally, I’d like to work out an exchange between flower arranging and utensil arranging.)

The guest arrives separately by car and parks next to the host’s car. One minute is spent appreciating the host’s bumper stickers before entering the restaurant. The host should probably park in the next to last spot in the lot, for the practical reason that those spots are unlikely to be taken and for the aesthetic reason that it leaves more time to think and walk in.

The guest ducks while entering the restaurant. Why? Because some aspects of coffee ceremony are ripped off tea ceremony, even when it’s not appropriate. The guest walks up to the booth, bows, and sits across from the host. The guest studies the art object for several moments then nods to signal readiness for the next phase.

The coffee should already be sitting in the middle of the table on a napkin. It’s the host’s choice how much cream or sugar will be added to the coffee if any. Cream is added first. The cream is held directly over the coffee cup and the plastic film is pulled off the top. Cream is poured from the same height into the coffee. The guest watches as the cream makes smoke-like loops and curls in the blackness and thinks about life, then the process is repeated as necessary. Next sugar is poured from the same height as the host audibly counts the number of seconds. Then a spoon is inserted and the coffee is stirred once clockwise and once counterclockwise. The spoon is rapped against the lip of the cup two times to clear any liquid remaining on it. The cup and napkin are pushed toward the guest then the host bows while seated with hands placed firmly on the edges of the table.

The guest lifts the coffee cup and holds it with two hands. The guest looks closely at the front of the coffee cup and admires its design. (I miss the old coffee cups; they looked nicer than the mugs, but oh well.) The cup is then rotated clockwise in the guest’s hands. The guest slowly drinks the coffee, appreciating its aroma and flavor. When finished, the guest rotates the coffee cup counterclockwise, then returns it to the napkin. The guest bows, like the host with hands on the table, before pushing the napkin and cup to the center of the table. The guest then stands, bows once more, and leaves. After the guest’s car leaves the parking lot, the host settles the tab, though the guest may repay the host before or after the ceremony if desired.

The one thing that I’m missing is a substitute for the anko-based sweet. A mint is too sweet, and a pie is too big. Any suggestions?

 to: boxcarl
 from: konducta killah
 subject: re: idea

I really like it. It doesn’t hurt that WaHo sells the best coffee, either. My problem is, I always sweat over how to transport Japanese cultural ideas without them being complete novelty. It’s as if you have to find WaHo and Japan heads.  

 to: konducta killah
 from: boxcarl
 subject: re: idea

Fair enough. Then again, what is Denny’s doing in Tokyo? (The Japanese don’t really get the late night dining scene, per se, but it still works out anyway. I think the main problem is that people generally aren’t into pointlessly artsy stuff, rather than the problem being exotic novelty obscuring the meaning. Could be fun though.)

Hmm, maybe you could eat part of a waffle for palette cleansing. It could be the host’s job to eat ¾’s of it before the guest comes, leaving a nice quarter piece for tongue relief.